Tuesday, October 2, 2007

an unbelievable story... it's been a hell of a month!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...

now let me explain....

Shelly and I spent the weekend in Houston at the International Baccalaureate Conference ... we made it out of Dallas and into Houston ok... and then the adventure began!!

First of all.... Mom, if you are reading this...don't freak out! LOL !! I am fine now.. and will fill you in on the details after you read the story!

We had a series of mishaps the entire weekend...it started from the Hilton's IT guys having to come to our room to personally get us onto the internet (which was FREE for all our "trouble")... and ended with the SWest Airlines chick at Houston's Hobby Airport telling Shelly her suitcase weighed 51.5 lbs and that she had to get rid of the 1.5 pounds before we could check her bag. However, it's the part in the middle of those two events that really is the adventure part!

So here goes.......... (and NO, this is NOT FICTION no matter how much you may think it sounds like it!) WARNING-- contains graphic FEMALE story elements!! Turn back now if you are not able to handle it!! LOL

My monthly visit from "Aunt Flow" should have arrived last Wednesday... well, I thought it did...but after a few hours, it stopped... like a false alarm... but I was sure "she" would come! She always does..same time, every month! Well on Friday night in Houston, she did indeed arrive... however, she arrived like some character from "The diary of a mad black woman"... like in FULL force.. like I had never experienced. It was strange... something seemed "off" but I kept on going with my purpose for being in Houston. We woke up Saturday and things were still happening at an extreme level (that is all the detail I am willing to type!!) well, by 1pm Saturday, I knew something was wrong... I was still in the room and Shelly had already gone back to her session, so I texted her and said I was not going to make it to the afternoon session.. I could hardly sit up without feeling faint. I was in extreme pain and Aunt F was still coming...again, like Madea or something as equally fierce. Clothes, towels, duvet covers....all ruined... and I did not know what to do....
So Shelly leaves her session to come check on me and we start trying to figure out what in the world could be happening. The symptoms sounded much like that of a person having a miscarriage...only I was not pregnant, WAS I? We really did not know. Could it be?? All I knew was that I was doubled over in pain, barely able to breathe and bleeding like a character from Law & Order, SVU...

So we decide to call my dr. here in Allen. The on-call dr called back within a few minutes and said these humbling words "With those symptoms, a chance of you possibly being pregnant, and your AGE, you need to get to a hospital. I don't like the sound of how much blood you are losing." My age??? UGH! What a way to phrase it!

Oh well... no time for vanity at this point because I can hardly catch my breath--the pain is so bad. Shelly calls the front desk and explains what is going on,hoping they have a physician on call or on staff... but they do not. They tell us that the only way we can go to the hospital is by ambulance. They tell her they are sending a manager up to "assess the situation". Well, ASSESS she did because within only a couple minutes of her arriving and seeing me in that state, she called 911... sadly that was the only choice since we live in a country where people sue people at the drop of a hat. The hotel would not take a chance of putting us in a cab or a shuttle......

Within minutes, our hotel room was filled with the 2 hotel employees and FIVE EMTs!!!!! OMG! Shelly, the calm and collected one of the group, got all the information they needed and within minutes I was on a stretcher headed to the elevator. And the only other thing I could think of besides the pain was "someone get me a hat! They were about to wheel me out into the lobby of the freaking HILTON on a stretcher! OMG!"

And yes, we got a ride to St. Joseph's hospital... in the ambulance, sirens wailing with Shelly posed as an EMT...she was in charge of my oxygen mask!! As the tears streamed down my face, all I could think of was ...what if I am really having a miscarriage??!! How could I have been pregnant and not known?! what did I do to cause this?! My brain was doing quite a number on my spirit.. and I could not stop crying... One paramedic was absolutely precious as he leaned over and said to me, "Don't worry..my wife had 2 of those before she got pregnant and now she is 5 months along..." It helped... a little.

My distress and worry was put aside momemtarily and replaced with amusement when they wheeled me into the ER... and the first line out of the on call dr's mouth was "Is she the drug overdose?!" God, I thought Grey's Anatomy played on Thursdays, not Saturdays!

Well, long story short...
We arrived at St. Joseph's at 4:00PM and I was discharged at 9:10PM...
No, I was not pregnant and no, I was not having a miscarriage but we did not find that out until about 8:45PM!
Yes, we waited for FIVE FREAKING hours as victims of the American health care system and all we could think of was WHERE IN THE HELL IS MICHAEL MOORE WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!

No, we did not care for Cindy, the charge nurse, at all... She was a total bitch to every person in that waiting room! What is wrong with people?!?!? People in the ER are already stressed and scared enough without her bitchy attitude coming out like we are inconveniencing her by being there... Pretty sure we were her job security but I was in too much pain to even think about confronting her! someday....

Yes, we tried to "people watch" to pass the time and avoid thinking about the what-ifs.
No, we did not allow Doozie, the Nigerian male nurse, to perform my pelvic exam....although he did allude to the fact that he just might!
Yes, the dr we FINALLY saw was all of about 24 years old.
and yes, she did grab one of those pink plastic tubs you get in the hospital (like the kind my Momo has collected from my grandpa's hospital visits over the years...she now uses them to wash dishes and/or clean shrimp!)... anyway..yes, that dr. DID indeed WRAP IT WITH A TOWEL and then yes, she did tell me to lift my toush so she could place this thing under me in lieu of waiting about an hour for the ONE OB/GYN table available in the ER!!
And yes, Shelly's words were "jesus christ, could this get ANY MORE GHETTO?!"

No, we did not get a clear answer as to my extreme bleeding but the dr. did prescribe something to take if it did not stop on its own in the next 24 hours.... she felt sure it was from a combination of factors...namely me getting off the pill in August and all the stress my body underwent with the breast cancer scare these last few weeks..it was as if my body was purging itself of all the bad toxins.. Just wish I'd had a little warning!

And finally..yes, there is now NOTHING that Shelly and I cannot talk about..
we were very close before this trip, but when you sit in a room with a friend as she has a pelvic exam with her ass perched on plastic tub, well, that just bonds you like nothing else...........

So mom, if you are reading this, I am ok.
I promise.

It was really scary, but Shelly was amazing. She assured Mads that she would take care of me as they loaded me on that stretcher and she more than kept her promise!

Now, I sit and await the bill. I have no clue how much an ambulance ride costs?!?! But if I can contribute to the health care industry in order to help the Hilton avoid getting sued, I am all over that......NOT!!!...actually, I am considering sending this to Oprah AND Michael Moore... just to see what happens.

And then after I sit and wait for the bill to arrive ... I will sit and wait for that magical day in June when I get to move to a country with socialized medicine. Where things like that horrific experience of waiting five hours in the ER of St. Joseph's just DO NOT HAPPEN.

There are so many other things I could share about our adventure this weekend, but I think this is enough with regard to shock value for now.....
and seriously mom, I am ok.... seriously..


Nichole said...

Oh, my gosh! I am soooo glad you are ok! That all sounds terrible. Beyond words and imagination terrible! I must say though, I loved the way you wrote that all as many parts of it had me laughing! You are so lucky that you had a friend with you to be by your side.

Jakino...the Desert Rose said...

Good lord!! I thought I was the one who had all the crazy travel stories!! Yours is officially the winner lady!
Glad all is well and Shelly rocks!! But next month, you might want to have a couple of Depends handy!
Love ya!

journeyinfinite said...

"Unbelievable" is an understatement! I am so glad you're okay!!!

The story was getting pretty scary, but I have to admit, I lost it and laughed out loud by the time I got to Doozie, and then the ghetto pelvic w/ a plastic tub.

Saint Shelly kicked some ass keeping it all together, too!

Anonymous said...

Damn! Why couldn't I have been the one to see your amazing ass perched on a ghetto tube. Life is so damn unfair.

Seriously, glad you are able to laugh about it now. If it makes you feel better, I burned my ass in the tanning bed on Saturday and haven't been able to sit comfortably or sleep the last two days.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
HOLMES said...

It was every bit as wild as it sounds. Tampax needs to ditch the "Pearls" and make the "Houston" edition.


journeyinfinite said...

Okay -- I think Shelly coined a new term for whenever a woman is completely ragging out.

Sample Usage:
(A)Cindy, the bitchy ER Nurse, went all Houston edition on my ass when I asked her for a pen.
(B)I'd like a bottle of Advil and a pound of chocolate, please. I am full-on Houston edition this morning.