Thursday, March 26, 2009

Nye venner .. New friends

Jeg læste en blog i tirsdags som var skrevet af en "fremtid expat". Hun blev gift med en dansk mand få måneder siden og vil flytte fra hendes land snart for at bo med hendes mand i Danmark. Hendes blog sagde at hun var bekymret at hun vil have ingen venner i Danmark... og ideén af forlader alle venner i hendes hjemland var lidt bange.

I read a blog on Tuesday that was written by a "future expat". She was married to a Danish man this fall and will be moving to Denmark very soon to live with him here. Her blog said that she was worried that she would have no friends in Denmark...and the idea of leaving all her friends in her home country was a bit scary.

Jeg ville at fortælle hende at "selvfølgelig, du vil finde nye venner hurtigt" men jeg kunne ikke. I stedet for fortalte jeg hende "fokus på din ny mand og hvor meget du elsker ham, og bruger din tid at lære at elske dit nyt hjem i Danmark. Han er grunden at du vil flytte her så holder øjne på det.....og lidt efter lidt, kommer venner." Men det tager tid.

I wanted to tell her "of course, you will quickly find new friends" but I could not. Instead I told her to "focus on your husband and how much you love him and use your time to learn to love your new home in Denmark. He is the reason you are moving here so keep your focus on that....and little by little, the friends will come." But it takes time.

Undtagen du har flyttet til et nyt land uden familie eller venner, kan du ikke forstå alle ting som er forbindet til dette "eventyr". Så min blog er til 2 gruppe i dag, og jeg håber at det vil hjælpe min veninde som blog jeg læste i tirsdags-- 1. Familien og venner vi har forladet --- glem os ikke. I er eneste forbindelse vi har til vores "gammelt liv" og vi har brug for jer. OG 2. Blogger venner/expats--bliver ved med at støtte hinanden. Vi har brug for hinanden. Jeg har fundet så mange venner igennem min blog og de har blevet min "cirkel" og har hjulpet mig "at vejr alting at jeg oplever".... Held og lykke til "Bluefish". Jeg ved at du vil være OK i Danmark....alle af os vil være her for dig!

Unless you have moved to a new country without families or friends, you cannot understand all the things that are connected to this "adventure". So my blog today is to 2 groups, and I hope that it will help my friend whose blog I read on Tuesday---1. The family and friends we have let---don´t forget us. You are the only connection to our "old life" and we need you. AND 2. Blogger friends/expats--continue to support each other. We need each other. I have found so many friends through my blog and they have become my "circle" that has helped me to weather all the things that have come my way....... Good luck to "Bluefish". I know you will be OK in Denmark because all of us will be here for you!


Stephanie said...

I've found that going to school is the best way to meet friends abroad (and tuition is free!). I'm in an international program, so it doesn't help with meeting Swedish people, but it's nice to meet people from all over the world!

BABS said...

This post brought tears to my eyes.

I send my love to Bluefish too, she'll be alright when she gets here, I know it.

There are lots of adventures to be had here in DK, but an expat can get depressed easy by the aspects that are challenging. It does help to have others recognize the challenges.

Anonymous said...

What a sweet supportive post. I too read Bluefish's post about becoming an ex-pat. It does take a long time to make friends in Scandinavia, but they will come - eventually.

In the meantime, she has a circle of cyber friends to help her through - I hope.

May said...

Lovely and encouraging post.

From living abroad I've found that expat friends (regardless of nationality) can be a wonderful first step for adjusting to a new country. Suddenly you have your own friends that are not friends or family of your spouse. And in my experience it's so much easier to make friends with other expats than with the locals, at least in Switzerland where I lived. Sometimes I felt like walking down the street with a big sign strapped onto my back: "Friends wanted".

On the other hand, while expat friends are often instant friendship and it's great to let out steam about your new home to someone who knows exactly what you're talking about *grin*, there lies a danger in that ease, because many simply stop trying to integrate and make local friends and in worst case, one could end up like an aquaintance of my mother's who after living 40 years in her new country has no local friends, still cannot speak the language and as a result cannot visit the doctor on her own, go to the dentist on her own etc.

Paula said...

I think it is brave of Bluefish to open up her heart on a blog forum- and the good thing that comes out of that is that the rest of us are aware of her feelings and can be a source of support for her. She is actually articulating what most of us feel here in Denmark- an unsettling sense of isolation that is hard to shake off. What I told Bluefish is that the friends she wil make here will probably be facing the same situation and therefore a strong bond would be forged from shared experiences.

Mom said...

You never have to worry about anyone forgetting about you. Sometimes you seem so far away, but thank goodness for SKYPE, blogs & email. It keeps us connected. I keep telling myself you will be here in just 2 months. Love you & miss you!

Unknown said...

True so true!... So glad I found you... can't wait to meet you in "real life!"
I feel like we already have... maybe in the summer?

Gutsy Living said...

You're so right. It takes time, but as long as you make the effort. I linked to you in my post, as I put your synopsis in with others. Tell Bluefish that Gutsy Writer accidentally erased her private blog address and since she's a follower, I can't communicate with her. She needs to resend it if she wants to. Thanks.

Skogkjerring said...

What a sweet and supportive person you are...the world needs more Kellis!!! :-))Welcome Bluefish to Scandinavia..if you ever get tired of the Danish language- try Norway ;-))hahahaha...

Tara said...

Dear Bluefish, c/o Kelli:

I don't think that in America and/or Canada people really understand the value of a true friend.

Here, in Denmark, I've made my favorite-est friends ever.

The last year here I've met more people and been "out" more than anywhere else I've lived. ...and some of these friends I've made I will most likely stay in contact with forever.

I think ex-pat friends are the best kind! It may take a while to make some Danish friends, but it will be okay. :)

You have to be outgoing though... or you will wither away all alone. Sometimes it's hard to just get out and meet people... go to the Womens' club, and the playgroups, etc... but you just have to do it!

N said...

Oh boy, do I have tears in my eyes now. Thanks a lot, Kelli. This means a lot to me. I guess I've been reading a lot of posts about Danes and Denmark, that I started to get worried.

Plus I'm not a very sociable and open person. So I'm afraid that I might end up locking myself up in the house. But I'll try my best and meet as many as people possible. Mange tak!

N said...

@ Tara: I understand what you mean by North Americans not knowing the true meaning of friendship. I found many friends who are dear to me, yet they do not demonstrate the same feeling that I have. Nor they're giving their 110% in friendship. In the end, I got fed up and cared much less than I used to.

Corinne said...

You're so right that the husband can be the anchor. I'm glad Sverre and I are so close (though it makes the fights a bit more dramatic!) so I can count on his friendship here. And the expat community, even just through the blogs, helps you feel you're not alone.

Great post, and great response!

Webmaster said...

I agree with everyone and are what I would call: et overskudsmenneske :-)

Great post :-)

Sarah said...

Like everyone else I can relate to this post and making friends is the thing I also struggle with the most besides the wonderful Danish language. What you write is to true and you have such great insight. When I am having a "bad" day I try to focus on why I came to Denmark and go and give M a big hug (and make a batch of chocolate chip cookies :) )