Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Conversations at TSA

EVERY SINGLE TIME I fly home to Denmark from the US, I get one of these little love notes in my suitcase! And EVERY SINGLE TIME Jess flies to Denmark from the US, she gets one too! I wonder if TSA just really loves us Texas gals, or if we just provide really good fodder for their afternoon conversations?!

I think those conversations go something like this:

TSA Agent #1: Hey pull that red bag marked "HEAVY"off the conveyor belt. There's some suspicious stuff on the monitor that I think we need to take a look at.

TSA Agent #2: Damn, I always forget... LIFT WITH YOUR KNEES. What in tarnation does this suitcase have in it?

TSA Agent #1: Well, don't just stand there whining. Open it up.

TSA Agent #2 (after opening said "HEAVY" suitcase): You are not going to believe the random SH*T in here! Where's this bag going anyway? The jungles of Africa?

TSA Agent #1: Nope, tag says "Billund Denmark". Denmark? Isn't that where the hookers stand in the windows by the red lights?

TSA Agent #2: No stupid. Denmark. You know, that place with all the windmills.

TSA Agent #1: Oh, I thought the place with the windmills WAS the place with the red light hookers? You know, where you can smoke pot and not get in any trouble.

TSA Agent #2: Ok, you geographically impaired nitwit. Let's see if you can figure out why someone going to Denmark needs all this stuff!  (as he begins to pull out the suitcase's contents)--- We got: 8 cans of Ro-tel tomatoes, 2 boxes of Tampax Pearl Tampons, 6 canisters of Crystal Lite Peach Tea, bottle of Advil, 6 pounds of Velveeta Cheese, 4 packages of Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla Coffee, 6 envelopes of French onion soup mix, 1 Vanilla Extract, 4 boxes of Cake Mix, and 2 boxes of Strawberry Pop-Tarts.
Don't they have grocery stores in Denmark?! Why on earth would a person take a trip to the US of A and instead of buying cool stuff like souvenirs and t-shirts, she buys groceries?! What kind of nonsense this that?

TSA Agent #1: Well, it may be nonsense, but none of it's illegal, so let's pack it back in. And hey, don't forget to put one of our "We are TSA and we've been digging in your stuff" NOTES in there!

Yeah.... to be a fly on THAT wall!


PiNG aka Patti said...

LOL - how true!

N said...

Hehehe. I used to do these inspections too and you never know what you'll find inside! I don't know about TSA, but in Canada we get filmed while doing the inspections.

Let me tell ya, it's not a very pleasant thing to do for the agents ;)

Anonymous said...

ROFL! This is too funny!

Unknown said...

This conversation is amazing.
I'm pretty sure they say similar things about our luggage when we fly back and forth!

Lisbeth said...

Hehe :) It MUST be all that Crystal Lite Peach Tea!

C and H Romenesko said...

Hilarious! My suitcases had...peanut butter, aleve, brown sugar, vanilla, spices, brown gravy mix (I still cannot make it from scratch!), cake mix....

I realize Denmark DOES have stores; however once you hit 30-something you become a creature of habit and there are some things you'd rather just bring from the US than find something in Europe that works, ALMOST as well.

Moose said...

I always get those TSA slips in my suitcases.

Corinne said...

Ok, so: I was flying back to Okinawa with a can of ground coffee in my suitcase. TSA inspected my bag, pulled off the rubber lid, and pulled off the foil seal. Apparently they had to actually look at the contents of my coffee to make sure I wasn't doing some serious smuggling. They then slapped the lid back on and stuffed it back in my suitcase. I landed in Okinawa with coffee grounds EVERYWHERE. Nothing in my suitcase escaped other than the toiletries. Yeah, that was a ruined day.