Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Conversations at TSA
I think those conversations go something like this:
TSA Agent #1: Hey pull that red bag marked "HEAVY"off the conveyor belt. There's some suspicious stuff on the monitor that I think we need to take a look at.
TSA Agent #2: Damn, I always forget... LIFT WITH YOUR KNEES. What in tarnation does this suitcase have in it?
TSA Agent #1: Well, don't just stand there whining. Open it up.
TSA Agent #2 (after opening said "HEAVY" suitcase): You are not going to believe the random SH*T in here! Where's this bag going anyway? The jungles of Africa?
TSA Agent #1: Nope, tag says "Billund Denmark". Denmark? Isn't that where the hookers stand in the windows by the red lights?
TSA Agent #2: No stupid. Denmark. You know, that place with all the windmills.
TSA Agent #1: Oh, I thought the place with the windmills WAS the place with the red light hookers? You know, where you can smoke pot and not get in any trouble.
TSA Agent #2: Ok, you geographically impaired nitwit. Let's see if you can figure out why someone going to Denmark needs all this stuff! (as he begins to pull out the suitcase's contents)--- We got: 8 cans of Ro-tel tomatoes, 2 boxes of Tampax Pearl Tampons, 6 canisters of Crystal Lite Peach Tea, bottle of Advil, 6 pounds of Velveeta Cheese, 4 packages of Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla Coffee, 6 envelopes of French onion soup mix, 1 Vanilla Extract, 4 boxes of Cake Mix, and 2 boxes of Strawberry Pop-Tarts.
Don't they have grocery stores in Denmark?! Why on earth would a person take a trip to the US of A and instead of buying cool stuff like souvenirs and t-shirts, she buys groceries?! What kind of nonsense this that?
TSA Agent #1: Well, it may be nonsense, but none of it's illegal, so let's pack it back in. And hey, don't forget to put one of our "We are TSA and we've been digging in your stuff" NOTES in there!
Yeah.... to be a fly on THAT wall!